Simple rules of communication

[DARPA]

Effective communication, contact is possible only with another individual.

This is a basic rule of interaction, unfortunately, is one of the most incomprehensible for people nurtured by the co-dependence of the medium.

... I remember how my mother as a child reacted to the news of me at odds with its way to me:
You do not say! Veronica can not be like that! She's a good girl. "

What is banal non-acceptance, unwillingness to meet with otherness, difference from itself,
I learned many years later. After many years assimilated image of the good daughter to his mother.

Now, watching the many different forms of failure, unavailability of parents to meet with a great, dissimilarity of their children with their ideas, their images as they "should be", "how to"
I see how hard these children then take his nature.

I see adult children come to grips with them, sometimes - cruel sometimes - mercilessly, and the more they succeed in this, the more they are unhappy.

Inability to accept their nature affects primarily on relationships with other people.
Not allowing yourself to their needs, desires, passions, interests, it is impossible to let them either partner or child.

And, if you are, suppressing yourself, you will see that someone else is allowed myself to be forbidden,
You can experience the widest range of emotions - from envy and longing to rejection and hatred.

Very often travmatik, refusing to take his - not bad, but once someone uncomfortable! - Part of yourself -
their needs, desires, dreams, its natural features ...
Directs energy permission for the child: "My child is something that I never had."
Equally often, this energy is directed to the partner.

It is very necessary to travmatiku benefits and rights as a horn of plenty, sypyatsya on the heads of other people who, alas, these benefits do not need.
And these other individuals stubbornly resist imposed happiness.

... One of my friends made generous gifts to their men ...
From the side it was clearly seen that she gave herself "through others", enjoying the preparatory process for the donation and of giving.
Alas, very quickly returned to her longing and loneliness, and the men did not appreciate her gifts.
Each of them intuitively felt that he was not - a destination and start to avoid imposed generosity.

... Therefore, the recognition itself - the real, non-imposed images and ideas about how it should be necessary,
is essential to full interaction (contact).

Getting to know their needs, allowing them to have
automatically open the door to a desire to learn and the other -
And what he wants? What dreams? Like if our values, our views? I wonder whether I do with it? Enriches I - emotionally, spiritually - in contact with them, or lose yourself?

Knowing yourself by taking yourself with all the features you will present yourself to another person, and it is important that as soon as possible, he found out who you are and what you want.
Let it set for itself, too - if he can withstand your joint, it is interesting whether this contact him if he could fully realize themselves, etc.

Currently, full cooperation is possible only through choice ...
- I need this man, with him I realize that I need.
And not through dependence ("without him I can not be realized, to be loved, to survive," etc.)

Another simple rule full interaction I have outlined as follows:
- Do not fantasize about thoughts, feelings and desires of the other.
Ask him what he thinks. That feels. What he wants.

Co-dependent tend to endow the intentions of other people that they do not have to explain their actions and meanings that other people do not invest.

... The child can not cope with the problem - so lazy;
favorite out of sight for a couple of days - out of love;
colleagues are silent in my presence - intrigues, envy, etc.

Such fantasies - the property is not individually or, in the language of Gestalt sliyatelnosti.
The mother, who believes that a child "is not so" because of his (or her parent) "badness"
or a woman, days are ready to discuss with friends deeds of men, putting some of his senses, which this man has in sight -
it's very, very common symptoms such sliyatelnosti - or co-dependency.

... Separately - is the recognition of the simple fact that we know nothing about the other person until such time has not yet asked him about it. And until you have learned it.
"What do you mean?"
"What do you feel?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"What does it mean for you, your action (action)" - these
and similar questions bring us closer to understanding another person's feelings, actions, his senses.

... There is one simple rule to separate communication: Do not impose.
Do not impose help, even if you know it better, how to,
Do not impose a turnkey solution, advice ... until asked.

Anyone to share the most important thing, it is important - to listen to on equal terms, in no hurry to jump into the know-all attitude.
And anyone who needs to learn how to find a solution.
"Can I offer you my help?" Instead of, "You ought to be .... (A list of actions) "
Recognizes these rights.

Recognition recognizes individual rights to individual decisions. Even erroneous if these mistakes to learn.
Only thus can be genuine, full contact.

.... Yes, I admit.
This simplicity can be given very, very hard)