The benefits in the relationship between man and woman

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Have you noticed that when you write about the benefits of an experienced adult woman over a young woman for a man, you will most often describe the everyday convenience and emotional comfort that she can give him?

Some described the quality ( "annoying", "does not ask for anything", "do not make the brain") reminded me a compliment Crone Shapoklyak Shrek and Donkey: "It is good that you are so green and flat." You can lie down on the lawn and will not be visible.

I believe, few women are happy to lie still and do not shine.

Comfort - it is an important feature of life, very few people willing and able to live in discomfort, few people consciously choose a spouse who would deprive him comfort, but comfort and convenience - it's not something that creates in people love.

Strong discomfort can pretty quickly kill love, it's true. But that love was born, too little comfort.

This is about how to work. Great job, a normal room and the proximity of the house - this is a very important advantage, but if you pay very little and the work is boring, people will want another.

Fees and interest - this is important, and in the work and in love, and in school, in sports, and you will not find such a resource where it would not be paramount. Convenience - that is, the absence of additional stress and difficulties in third place. And on the first two: the interest and fee.

Interest - in terms of CG Jung - it is energy. The attraction, passion - is energy thrust. With all that we are interested in what we are attracted, we immediately form the energetic connection. Our attention, our time, our efforts are beginning to flow in the wrong direction, and we enjoy it. Once the interest is over, the connection is cut off, and now, to keep the focus there and wasting time, we need more freedom, power, and we will get from this stress. That's what the interest. It provides the energy flow.

Award that we receive and that we wait, that's all that expands our capacity, increase our influence, it gives us an advantage in the future. This money and the recognition that we receive for our spent forces. We want to deal not only with the fact that we are interested and pleased, but what is good for us that tomorrow will make us a little richer and stronger than it is today. There is a relationship: we can be interested that is completely useless, and we may be interested in something that is very useful to us. Although the remuneration and interest overlap is not always and not at all. Otherwise, people would not spend so much time in a pleasant but useless or harmful. Nevertheless, there is a connection.

So here's the perfect husband, if we decide to consider such a thing, a person who:

1) interest

2) useful

3) Comfort

If you remember the Three elephants Marriage, then:

1) interest - a desire and arousal of emotions, thoughts and feelings, that is, the elephant Love,

2) use - it partner benefits for their own growth, there is an elephant Self-esteem,

3) comfort - these are the best conditions of co-host, that is elephant Gen.

Almost all of the advantages of the adult female elephant came down to (life is not only the material side, it's peace of mind because of the well-separated rights and duties, the absence of war and conflict), and quite a bit to the elephant. About the elephant has not almost no one, not finding probably no advantage.

But the interest, desire, love and lust for intimacy - this is important. Of course quite a bad way of life, that is a complete lack of comfort, able to quickly kill the love you have seen it many times in my life and in letters too. But very often life gets bad due to the fact that love goes. The default start with the fact that all of its own investments look very big, and partner investments - small. And I do not want to do, and all of the other knocked out with a rolling pin or an ax. But it happens often because of the presence of a spouse in life there is no more fun. In the meantime, there is fun, own investments always seem to be not that big (fun all offset) and its attachments seem to be very valuable (pleasure increases their value). Because love makes almost any life beautiful, especially mutual love. No wonder "with a sweet paradise and in a tent." It's true.

Use is also very important. If you are haunted by the thought that you are "vegetating" with this partner, your years spent just so you do not develop, do not use their potential, lose perspective, your love is unlikely to survive. Actresses run away from their husbands, which prevent them from playing on the stage. Artists throw women that prevent them from writing. Very often women are angry at the low salary men, because they feel that they, the women, deserve more: they need to be better dressed, go to expensive places, their children should be given more opportunities, but they have not caught up with the man and is now a youth pass in vain . Familiar? Men usually other claims. They often seem to be that the wife is not a mercenary, more economical and business, they can not spend life in a boring office job, to do their job or some training, find a creative work and achieve a result much more. But because of the demanding (and lazy) wife they can not afford it. They conclude that the union is harmful to them, it takes more than giving, so it is better to run out.

So the feeling of uselessness kills love. But love again has a fabulous ability to create favor. As long as the relationship is not settled gloom and boredom, and burning interest, the sea seems to be knee-deep. Love inspires feats. Besides own use it seems much less important than the benefits of a loved one (and therefore do not interfere with loving people, and help each other to develop). And it looks own use anyway because other priorities. A loving woman does not think his wife in default, which loses nothing years and rides on the subway in the old coat that could be driving around in a fur coat on cars, earn more than her husband. Her priority - not things, and the pleasure she gets from communicating with her beloved husband, and her years spent not in vain. Only boredom there are thoughts that even the fur coats, no, no nothing. When a person is happy, he forgets, that is put on it.

Therefore, the main components of prokachannosti love life:

1) to be able to induce and maintain a loved one to itself interest (attraction)

2) to be useful for its development and help realize the abilities

3) create a comfortable home and reduce his stress levels

See all items in some aspects may contradict each other. Kaif can bring what is harmful, beneficial may be that breaking comfort. Kaif is often contrary to the comfort and the comfort of a high. At the same time support all three points is difficult, but all three should be more or less ignored.

A little discomfort as possible and survive for buzz or use. But if the discomfort is too great, the buzz it will sink, and the benefits will run out, because the discomfort produces stress and disease. Lack of good buzz for people tolerate fairly easily, but only so long, until it was very very bad and dangerous. Here they have an alarm, and thought that no pleasure is not worth it. That is, in the hierarchy of items is important that each previous point is important to monitor, but if the next is very much suffering, begins to suffer and the last.

However, the most important is the first paragraph. Interest (attraction).

And when we compare adult woman and a young girl in that task, we must pay attention to the following.

Young girls image resources and love are connected, on average, better. These resources are not prokachany, they just connected. This external resources, the majority of their youth gives nothing. Yes, there are clumsy young girl, ugly, inhospitable, bleak, in these image resources and love are connected or disconnected at all bad. But on average, girls are cute and romantic enough, and thus the image of love and they still are connected.

Since the image is clear, they usually like to like. And what about love? Their eyes light up at any mention of love, they quickly fall in love, they are trusting, curious, well, they do not tolerate loneliness, always eager to learn, dream of love, eager for love. This is podklyuchka resource. Resource is not pumped, so they can receive the suffering, they cheated, they hurt, disappoint them, but the resource is connected, so they rush in love, finding love, love to love, it is interesting to them in the process of love.

Now compare this with the average woman a woman 40-50 years. image resources and love most of these frustrated women, almost disabled. It is not like in the mirror even imagine, let alone to others, it is no longer interested in own appearance often. Love? This is her much less interested in (no interest - no energy directed to the resource). She was disappointed and she just too lazy to waste time on nonsense. She has no external resources nor image, nor love, but internal also appeared. Some, however, have a beloved husband. But her husband, even a favorite for many more friend or relative, and life love is more about love and romance than the closely related communications, and spiritual kinship. These resources are engaged in family and friendship. Image is committed to please people. We can see that the majority of adult women the resources of image and love is still degraded.

All of the above only applies to the average women, average. Bleed the adult women - are exceptions. And here they have an advantage over those who have the resources and the image of love - purely external, that is, before the majority of young girls.

Bleed the image resource can be reduced to the charm. A pumped life of love - empathy.

The charm and empathy - it is not about how to create comfort and convenience of note. It is about how to make the heart of a loved one melt away, and his blood boil. It is about how a man cause a fire.

Charisma is absolutely impossible without a sincere love for his person (external R), is the quality of narcissistic cats, as Freud described. A majority of adult women betray themselves and cease to love his image, when aging a bit. They are still quite beautiful in appearance, but do not love themselves and everything to lose. Not physical aging takes away the charm, you do lose it, when it ceases to please yourself. Those middle-aged women who have not lost the charm, make men the same impression on closer communication (at a distance of charm does not work almost). Just these very small.

But empathy is not compatible with disappointment and rejection of the other. You write that with age develops empathy. To hell with two. Nothing with age does not develop by itself (except illness). Empathy develops from the positive interpretation and accumulating experience of love, and you, many interpret their experience negatively. Do you share the frustration of love develops, rather than empathy. Read the blogs for women, as freaks, fools, sluggards and impotent met women under 40 years of age and they are hoarding their obidki and sorted out, so as not to forget. Like them, many are angry and offended by men (and frustrated men - women). What is empathy? This tightly zadraennye windows and a machine gun.

Empathy - is permanently open doors and a willingness to feel another person like yourself. No sympathy no empathy. Young girls like men, and let poluvydumannye, but very popular, so the empathy they have still more. Empathy - that trust and above all curiosity to another. With age, it is lost, unfortunately, in the majority. Although it would seem, it has more poles, and you can not be afraid of the so-deceptions. But no, they are afraid and are protected by impenetrable fence. And compete against each other in the description of ugliness and absurdity of men. And right would these women were lesbians or asexual (so and so do not care what time). No, you describe the ugliness of men, but it will still crank a relationship with them. From here so that's negative for them, closed them. Certainly your relationship obtained shabby, two wise gudgeon, with suspicion tracking each other, without getting out from under the benches. And they end up rotten. You drew the conclusion that it is necessary to treat men more wary, and enter the following relationship is already in such a bad state that does matter.

In general, you do not like yourself, so kirdyk image resource, you do not like men, so share the love kirdyk.

And all dumped some reason of age.

Distinguished commentators, do you have any ideas how to save women charm and empathy, at least at the same level as it was in his youth? And even better to develop, of course, otherwise the whole experience of love - down the drain. Imagine the experience so much in vain because of the negative interpretation and frustration. It is like learning any science 20 years, let's study the physics or history, and then come to the conclusion that it is a pseudoscience, there is no law, there is not a single fact, all full of crap and nonsense. This will mean an absolute collapse of the resource of work and study. So women disappointed in men. Absolute resource collapse of love, which many women have devoted half his life, among other things.